Pillow Talk
by LisbethDreams
Summary: Nikolas and Elizabeth discuss why Elizabeth needs both Lucky and Nikolas in her life.


AN: This is a conversation I think Elizabeth needs to have with someone. I would love if something like this would happen on the show, but on the show I think it should be with a therapist and not Nikolas. No matter how it was written on the show or the result, I think it would be a great help towards letting the audience really know what is going on in Elizabeth's head.

***********

Nik stroked his fingers along Liz's shoulder. "What is it you're truly afraid of?" he asked as he curled himself more comfortably around her.

Liz played with the edge of the blanket that Nik had draped over them. "I don't know. Isn't that insane, I just don't know. The more I try to verbalize an answer the more my mind goes blank."

"Sometimes our mind does that to protect us from things we're not ready to face. Maybe we should stop seeing each other."

Liz grabbed his arm and pulled it more securely into her stomach, she wound her fingers through his. "No, don't push me away. I love you."

"But you love my brother too. Our being together like this isn't fair to him and Liz it isn't fair to either of us."

"I know what we're doing is wrong but..."

Nik gently rolled her under him, he looked deep into her eyes, "Did I say it was wrong?"

"No, but I'm cheating on Lucky."

"Is that the part you're afraid of, the lies, the cheating, because as I said we can end this now. You said that if we ended this, 'I'd be pushing you away', do you believe me when I say I love you?"

Liz thought for a little bit, looking at him intently, "Yes, yes I do."

"Are you lying to me when you say you love me?"

Liz's hands quickly cupped his face. "Of course not, I do love you, you're my best friend, I trust you more than anyone. Please believe me."

"I do believe you, I also believe that you love my brother and hate cheating on him. We've come back to my original question. What is it you're afraid of?" Nik lay down beside her again, this time he keeps them facing each other, their naked bodies clung together under the blanket.

"Are you afraid of losing Lucky?" He paused to kiss her lightly on the forehead. "Of losing me?" Nik briefly kissed her. "Or are you afraid of losing yourself?"

Nik paused to give her time to think, when she didn't answer he continued, "Lucky and you have remained friends and good parents to your children through separations and divorce; do you really believe that loving me will be enough to break him?"

"No, not if we are open and honest with him. He might not like it at first but we were over."

"Exactly. As a stubborn Cassadine, you know I'm not going anywhere, so you are not going to lose me. Which brings us to you. What is it about yourself that you like when you're with Lucky and with me?"

"I don't know."

"Try, just say what comes to mind."

"I guess I like being the nice, respectable Liz that Lucky sees me to be. I put people off when I first came to town. It wasn't until Lucky and I started dating that I made many friends, that I was accepted."

"I remember how you were, you were saucy and fiery. You took on both me and Uncle Stefan. You might have been misguided but I remember liking your spunk. In fact, I couldn't put you out of my mind."

"Really? I thought I was kind of a bitch."

"So why did you do it?"

"Partly to be noticed and to have fun" Liz laughed lightly remembering how she was when she first met Nik. "It was fun saying whatever I thought, going for whatever I wanted, flirting openly. But I think I also did it to protect myself. I could push people away before they got to close, before they rejected me. I don't like some of the things I did back then. Planting the condoms on Sarah wasn't a nice thing to do."

"Hhm, you enjoyed some of the 'old' you. So how's being the quiet homemaker really working for you? Is she ever bitchy?"

"Sometimes but she's also loved and respected. She's comfortable."

"You said earlier that 'Lucky sees you to be' this comfortable paragon of a woman. What do you see when you look in the mirror?"

"I'm a good mom, independent, self-supporting, and I'm a good nurse. I have a lot of good friends. I'm certainly not perfect."

"No one is. Are you all those things without Lucky's good opinion of you?"

Liz ran her fingers absentmindedly across Nik's chest. "Yes I am. I accomplished most of that without him. Looking back he's only been a small part of my life. He helped me after the rape but I put myself through nursing school and raised Cameron on my own. I survived some bad relationships and some bad choices."

"Do you still believe that people will reject the real you?"

"No, yes, I don't know. I thought the Liz Lucky sees is the real me, but the me I am when I'm with you confuses me. She's so different than Lucky's Liz. She's more like..." Elizabeth trails off.

Nikolas played with her hair gently and finished her thought for her, "More like the 'old' you."

"Yes."

"Do you like who you are when you're with me?"

Elizabeth blushed and her eyes darkened with passion, "Oh, yes. She's sexy and fun."

"Part of becoming who we are meant to be is accepting all the different parts of us, of keeping what works and letting go of what doesn't. You like being the respected Nurse Webber, mother of two and you like being the feisty sexy Liz that sets the sheets on fire, so why can't you be both?"

"It should be easier to answer your question but I still don't know the answer."

"That's okay, I know you don't know and _no_, this shouldn't be easy. Knowing why we do things can be easy, it can also be hard, there is no right and wrong journey to self-discovery. There are just different paths. If the journey were easy there would be no divorce, no murder, no drug use, and no need for therapists."

"Maybe you're right and I'm afraid that this new-old me means I have to give up everything I like about how I am when I'm with Lucky or maybe I do think that my sexuality is wrong."

"Only you know the answer to that Liz, the answer is what works best for you, what makes you a more whole and complete person. I can tell you what I wish for your answer to be but that isn't fair to you. You need to decide if you can reconcile the tiger you are in bed with me with the comfortably nice woman you are when you are with Lucky."


End file.
